Doesn’t this look like Elvis, Mom?

The Elvis Marshmallow

That’s it, he’s grounded… Wait, what?

A few months ago, #2 picked up a serious strain of senioritis.  He’s continually assured us that he would pull thru and finish strong – even though edline continually said differently.  We gave him the latitude to prove to us that he could indeed pull it off, but today was the last straw.

This morning his guidance counselor called and informed us that he was at risk of not graduating – he was failing a class that was off of our radar and he was worried (like we were) about several of his other classes.

No more latitude.  We needed to structure his environment to make sure he graduated.  So, we got to work framing out #2’s grounding orders – it would need to be swift and strong.

Oh, the irony… (as seen in this text volley with him this morning)

Dad:  Come home after school and don’t go anywhere until I come home at 2:00

#2:  Why

Dad:  Mr. L just called and said you might not graduate.  I’m done messing with you and your grades.

#2:  No, I’m getting an A in Creative Writing.  I talked to Mr. P and I just need to turn my stories in so I’m not failing anymore.

Dad:  Then turn them in!  I don’t like getting calls from guidance counselors saying they are worried my kid won’t graduate and they are failing classes I didn’t know about.

#2:  Mr. L just came to see me and we talked and it’s no big deal.  So, I’m just gonna turn those in.  And, he said I can get a full ride to a local college.  So, I’m gonna to talk to him after school.  Can you pay for my application?  It’s on the computer.

Dad:  OK, good.  Let’s talk about the application later today.

The Clothes are Coming Off

I was just walking thru the kitchen as #3 bounded up from the basement in classic Krameresque fashion and said “Whoa, what am I doing with a Barbie?  I better put this back downstairs.  Yeah…  Freddy* likes to take the clothes off Barbies.  So weird…”

* Names changed to protect the, ummm…

Separated at Birth

Mom at 19, #6 at 7.  See a resemblance?

Me neither…

The Wheels are Coming Off

This afternoon #2 walked in complaining that my pickup truck (which, as far as he is concerned is his car) was making a knocking noise.  He had an important mission to buy a yellow headband and he needed some wheels.

This knocking business all started about 2 weeks ago.  I had noticed that the front left tire was going flat on my truck.  I asked him if he might know anything about why the tire was going flat.  He had no idea.  After I pressed him a bit, he vaguely recalled spinning out and slamming into a curb one snowy night a week earlier.  Huh…

I thought it would be good for him to take responsibility for the tire, so I told him he needed to go fill it up, check the remaining tires, clean the truck out and get it washed.  He called about 20 minutes later.  The tire was not filling up.  Air kept coming out.  He was somewhat amazed to discover that the rim was damaged – he was sure this was caused by the car wash.  Huh…

I had him deliver it to our mechanic and the rim damage was confirmed.  Our mechanic put the spare on and told us we could drive it as long as we didn’t go very fast and stayed local – he would order a rim and it might take several days.  I drove the truck to the office about 2 miles away and on the way I heard a strange knock which got louder and faster as I drove.  Huh…

Turns out the lug nuts had come loose on the spare.  We tightened them up and all was well.  And, that is what #2 heard tonight.  Knowing that the lug nuts had come loose again, I told him to take the Toyota.  He called about 10 minutes later and said that the Toyota was making a strange knocking noise.   Huh…

He thought the lug nuts must be loose on the Toyota too.  I told him there was no way – just keep driving – the Toyota makes funny noises sometimes.  He called back 2 minutes later “Dad, something is really wrong, the car was going all over the place, I just pulled over.  Oh my gosh!  The back right tire is totally flat!  There are slash marks on it.  I swear I didn’t do anything!”  Huh…

So, it’s dark, it’s about 10 degrees out and my 17 year old is standing in a Walgreens parking lot in his shorts.  (He wasn’t planning on car trouble.)  I’m stuck at home with a truck that has its own tire problems – so I go out and jack up the truck and tighten the lug nuts (again).  Alas, Mom comes home with the Suburban (which had also been in the shop this week).  I hop in to go help crash with yet another tire.  I pull up next to him and he can’t get the spare tire out of the trunk.  Huh…

Turns out it is FROZEN into the spare tire well.  Like, there is ICE in there.  Not frost – ICE.  Chunks of ice.  I work on it for awhile and #2 has an idea “If we only had warm water”.  Neither of us had to pee, so we went into Walgreens and they gave us a bucket of warm water.  Amazingly enough it worked – the water melted the ice enough for us to pop the tire out.  I start jacking the car up to take the tire off and #2, who is freezing in his shorts, asks if he can head out for awhile to go buy his yellow headband.  Huh…

Sure, no problem, go buy your fancy headband while I lie in the ice changing this tire that appears to have been shot.  It was a total blowout.  I get the spare tire on and wouldn’t you know it, it’s flat.  Actually, not totally flat, it is partially filled with ice.  Huh…

It is barely drivable, but we make it to our mechanic’s place.  He’ll have another tire to fix (hopefully).  We headed home in the Suburban together – Mom had pizza in the oven and we were hungry.  We recapped our adventure with the family over pizza – everyone had theories about what really happened to the tire.  But, the whole spare tire packed in ice thing was a mystery to me.  As we hit that part of the story, #1 chimed in.  “You know what that was?  I know what that was.  That was gas.  Remember when me and (girlfriend #1) had to go fill up gas cans for her dad [over 3 years ago!!]?  Yeah, it spilled all over back there in the trunk.  I don’t think we ever got it all out.”  Huh…

Halloween fun (and attitude)

Zombie Princess (cuz you gotta be a princess or a fairy or a ballerina)

Pippi Longstocking (how easy can you get?)

#3, the 1970s high school soccer player with facial hair, and his best friend, The Joker

#5 (on the left) said, “Do I look like Helen?”

We’re done for another year.

Your kids will bust you

I got to sit in on my husband’s Confirmation class this evening.  This is a bunch of 8th graders (mostly boys) in various stages of development.  They talk about politics,  throw food, pass gas, and ask great questions.  It’s amazing.  And I am thankful that I don’t have to teach them.

Tonight they were talking about temptations that kids their age are faced with. They giggled through topics like “looking at pornography” and “having sex.”  When “swearing” came up, some of them admitted to having trouble with it because everyone they know swears.  One boy had the line of the evening (and the one that reminded me that our kids are always watching us): “You wanna hear swearing?  You should hear my dad at my football games!”  Yikes.

Stinky Little Girls

#5 and her friend Helen are having a farting contest.  It all started about 5 minutes ago when Helen tripped and accidently let one rip – with authority.  There was a brief moment of embarassed silence followed by giggles, raucous laughter and then an outright competition.  Modesty be gone.

The only thing missing was a lighter.

Sick Days

#3 walked in the door 3 minutes ago and already is down to his boxers, drinking a can of Pepsi – which apparently makes his stomach feel better.  (I did not know that about Pepsi.)  He started the day okay (I think – I mostly parented from my bed this morning) but called at 9:11complaining of a stomach ache.

I told him to eat the Nurse’s Office saltines (hey, that should be a brand name: Nurse’s Office Saltines.  Or what about Sunday School Animal Crackers?  Or Park District Soccer Game Juice Boxes?) and lie down until he felt better.  I even encouraged him to push through till lunch, when he could get him some of that High School Cafeteria Pizza.   However, it just wasn’t to be.  He called 6 minutes later and said that he wasn’t feeling any better and could he just come home.  Yeah, 6 whole minutes and he wasn’t feeling any better!

So, it is now 9:45, and he’s already finished his Pepsi and is on to last night’s leftovers and some pretzels.  Poor kid.  He hasn’t decided yet whether he’ll be upstairs or downstairs.  I’m hoping for upstairs so that I can pretend he’s not here.  I mean, I like him and all, but it’s a school day, and that’s supposed to mean that I get to be kidless for a few hours.  Which leads me to yesterday…

Okay, granted it was Monday and cold and rainy, but wouldn’t you know that #5 wasn’t feeling well when she woke up? And being the lazy-butt mother that I am, I even planted the seed in #6’s mind that maybe she wasn’t feeling too well, either.  That way, I could get out of making lunches or driving anyone to school.  It worked; the cold she was starting over the weekend turned into a full blown (and I mean at-death’s-door) case of sniffles and a headache.

My kids rarely have fevers or any truly measurable ailments.  They have headaches and stomach aches and have even learned that sore throats are hard for me to verify.  So, if you mix it up a bit and have, say, a headache and a stomach ache one week and then just a sore throat the next, Mom will let you stay home.  But don’t combine too many ailments too often or Mom will a) not believe you or b) make you go get a gaggy strep test from Nurse Jana.  Also, if you get picky about which medicine you want to take, Mom’s gonna get suspicious.

So here’s how the girls’ day went yesterday:

• Acted sick enough to stay home until the coast was clear.
• Asked for saltines and Sprite (sorry, no Sprite – and I wasn’t offering Pepsi because I did not yet know of its miraculous healing powers)
• Got all comfy in Mom & Dad’s bed with books
• Continued to be comfy in Mom & Dad’s bed with t.v. and coloring
• Felt well enough to eat half a loaf of chocolate chip pumpkin bread
• “Slept” because Mom was starting to mention going back to school after lunch
• #5 cleaned her room (she likes order) while #6 got out scissors and created lots of tiny paper scraps (she doesn’t care so much for order)
• Played Webkinz school
• Bickered
• “Slept”
• Watched a heck of a lot of Disney Channel

Me?  I stayed in my jammies most of the day (well, they did request that I put on a bra at one point) and did housework.  I never made it to the gym or the grocery store, but it wasn’t a bad day.

There will be no sick kids tomorrow.  It is my coffee day.  The kids know that by now.

So proud

First ever cross country race, and he finished strong.  Profusely sweaty, but strong.  Dang, we love this kid!

(Someday I’m going to regret those sunglasses.)